Issacs Kids, Esau and Jacob

We continue our journey through the Bible with my thoughts on Issac's kids; Esau and Jacob. Well, just look at the history of the names. Esau ="Hairy-Red".  Jacob= "Grasps the heel-deceitful". The name definitions should give you a heads up to what is coming.

The more I read, the more this sounds like a modern soap opera.  Who is doing who and who is jealous of who and how can I get ahead of that guy.

Jacob is the guy that by any means necessary he will get ahead and Esau is the guy you just want to slap upside the head and say "wake up dumb ass". Esau was the first born of Issac and was a man of the open land. A hunter man of substance, a provider.  Jacob was a mama's boy, nuff said. Issac favored Esau and you would figure that he would be the man, seeing that the favored person always gets ahead...

Mama's boy Jacob was her favorite and would be the cog here. Starting off when Esau comes back from a hunt famished. Jacob is making a red soup and Esau is hungry so you figure he would just go and get some. Sorry folks. He asks Mama's boy to fetch him some chow. Jacob makes a deal: Esau's birthright for some chow. I'm screaming "don't do it!" but he did not listen to me. How hungry can you be to do that? 

 

          Oh it gets better!  Issac is getting on in years and he knows his time is short. He wants to bless Esau before he passes on. Says to Esau, "Go fetch me some of that tasty game and make me a meal then I will give you my blessing." Don't you know Rebekah, Jacob's champion, was listening in and wanted Jacob to get the blessing of Ole Issac. Tells Jacob the story and has him (while Esau is out hunting) get her two young lamb for her to cook up and he, Jacob, will go in Esau's place. Jacob slightly resists, probably because of their physical differences but Mom throws some lamb skin on Jacob and dresses Jacob in Esau's clothes and Jacob gets the blessing.  I'm saying to myself "you S. O. B. Esau is going to kick your ass!"

Oh is Esau pissed when he gets back and finds out  about the "Deception." Instead of kicking his ass, he broods like a little girl crying to Issac "Why can't you bless me?" Good question. Why can't he just take it back? Makes you think about the power of the word and what you say to someone. They didn't fool around back then.

         Issac gives Esau some lame blessing and while Esau plans Jacob's demise Rebekah says "RUN FOREST" another story, but it fits. Issac and Rebekah come up with a story about how he needs to find a mate and Issac sends him off to mama's homeland because they live in Canaan, (remember Cain), his land, and they think they're better than those lowlifes.

          Esau finds out about this and finds a daughter of... wait for it...wait for it....Ishmael! Well not really his daughter, just a female relation and not only does he marry her, but another Canaanite as well. Oh does this irritate the family! The original "guess whose coming to dinner". I didn't make it up, it's in the book!

          Back to Jacob and welcome to Peyton Place. Jacob is on the lamb, frightened, but he had a vision one night, so vivid and wonderful, seeing the stairway to heaven and angels coming and going.  Jacob accepted the Lord into his heart and promises 10 percent of his future wages.

         Jacob crossed the river Jordan with nothing, but the staff he is carrying and stumbles to the land of Uncle La Ban Nabor. Sees his future bride watering her heard and makes a deal with Uncle Labon: 7yrs servitude for this beauty. Wouldn't this be his cousin? "Like sand through the hour glass..." See, soaps.

Ah, uncle Labon is a shrewdy.  He has an older daughter and deceives the deceiver and gives him her, who I guess is no beauty, but he lies with her...not tell a lie, but bed type of lie.  Jacob says "WTF Labon?! You screwed me!" "Oh no my son", says Labon. "Can't just give you Rachel while Leah, the oldest, is still a lady in waiting. How about I make you a deal?"                               

(Jacob should have ran!)

         
"Give Leah her bridal week, and I'll give you Rachel for 7 yrs servitude."  That's 14 years!
"Deal" he says, now he has two wives.

Treats Leah like crap.  The Lord sees how Leah is treated and dries up Rachel. Leah has four kids whilst Rachel has nadda. Pisses her off, it does. Oh, one of the kids is named Judah. I think he becomes important later on. Not sure, but I think...

History is going to rear its ugly head. Rachel wants kids so she offers one of her maidservants for him to marry. He does! Has some kids and Rachel is happy. Now Leah is pissed cause she is getting no sleepy time with Jacob, so she has not been able to procreate and offers up her maid servant.

Dumbass takes her up on it and now the kiddie race is on. At least Jacob is getting a lot of sack time with the ladies, but who is tending the sheep? Somewhere in this mess there is a fight over mandrake plants and a trade is made. All this trading? One of Leah's kids finds this stuff and Rachel wants some. Makes a deal for the other to get some loving time with their man and pops another kid, a boy, then finally, Dinah, a girl.

About 20 years passes here in Peyton Place, and Rachel is the one out and complains to the Lord and low and behold she has a boy, Joseph. Now I know I've heard his name before.

Jacob is getting homesick and wants to go, but Uncle, I mean father-in-law, Labon, is upset because he figures the Lord has Jacob's favor and he has become a rich man because of Jacob. Labon don't want to lose his cash cow. They go back and forth, and like a thief in the night, Jacob hightails it. Rachel ransacks the home of her dad while he is out, and there is a big tadoo when Papa catches up with them and they agree to disagree and build a stone pile saying basically I'll stay here and you stay there. I love ya, good-bye, hugs kisses, pats the grand kids on the ass and off they go.

Remember this guy the hairy red head? So does Jacob and he prepares his tribe to split in two so when Esau comes to get him at least half the tribe will live. Jacob gets tribute ready for Esau and sends emissaries ahead. The emissaries come back and tell Jacob Esau is coming with 400 people. Whoa is he nervous. Getting close now, Jacob, at night, sends off the community of folk in waves, he stays back and out of some where this guy shows up for a wrestling match. I find out Jacob is quite the wrestler because he is holding his own with this guy. Who the hell are you, he asks? And the guy sees he can't overpower this mere mortal an zaps his hip and wrenches it out of the socket. Come to find out the guy is no other than, God! God is impressed with Jacob and says you will no longer go by that name. I now call you Isreal.

         So much for mama's boy, he turns out to be a tough dude! But if he is so scared of his brother, his brother must be a monster. That is figuratively. The name "Bear Jew" comes to mind from a movie I saw, those "Inglorious Basterds." Watch it, and you will figure out the reference.

 They finally meet and instead of getting a shiv in the back from Esau, he gets a big hug and they live happily ever after.