Ishmael and Issac

          I'm having a hard time with Abraham and his lack of patience. Didn't the lord say that he would be the father of nations? Looking back at his forefathers, he was still a baby. I don't know about your wife, but I would get a kick in the ass even if I thought about grabbing on Hagar and go begetting,. Even if it was her idea!  TEST! You know, not only is the Lord testing  you, so is she and guess what Abraham? You failed the test. Go ahead, I'm all dried up, (RRriight) TEST! 

      No way here brother, I won't go there. My wife is a black belt, and I don't want to wake up hanging from it. Wouldn't do it anyway, honey! And what kind of name is Hagar? You know Ishmael is going to be treated like a red headed step child in an albino colony.  So finally Sara is able to procreate. SEE Abe ya just had to trust in the Lord. Here comes Issac and guess what?  Sarah boots Hagar and Ishmael the first chance she gets.

          Abraham hears voices again, and the voice tells him to take his son and sacrifice him. "WHAT?" Is this another test? Ole Abe is not going to disobey the Lord again so he tells Issac to go fetch some wood so we can make burnt offerings and sacrifice a little lamb. Issac must do a double take cause he does not see any kind of four legged creature around. I'm sure Abraham had a Cheshire cat grin on his face when he told Issac, don't worry the lord will provide. Good thing there are no phones cause I was going to call child protective services on his ass. I would too. Just what was going through Isaac's head while he was being tied up by daddy and put on a wood pile? Daddy I didn't mean to take that extra cookie, promise. And just at the last minute an Angel grabs Abraham's hand and saves Issac. I .  WOULD .   BE  .  PISSED. Lord or not. Sorry. Look who just became a pagan, matter of fact gimme that piece of foreskin back. Jerk...just kidding. 

         Everything worked out, and Isaac must have forgiven his father because in a little bit Abraham sends off a servant to find a mate for Isaac and comes back with one. That is the next story.